A new car is exciting and there
is something about the new car experience that only a new car provides. The
smell of new leather (or leatherette?). The thunk sound of a solid shutting
door. The smell of the engine, heater, air conditioner as they reach maximum
operating temperatures for the first time produce a magical experience. The
issue for most is that the experience comes once every 4 or 5 years. More
frequently for those with 6 or 7 digits in their savings account balance.Even
then for most it is a rare event.
In enters the rental car. If
you travel a lot you get to experience a new car each and every week, sometimes
2 or 3 in a single week. While all of the cars are not brand new most of them
have fewer miles than the one back home. Last month we discussed they types of
cars to rent. This month let’s focus on the excitement, or, the lack thereof,
of the actual car you get when you arrive at your destination.
My company uses Hertz as our primary
rental company. I generally rent a mid-size, or standard car. Remember, this is
a 4 door compact with 5 seat belts. Go with a full-size and you are looking at
the general family / co-worker hauler. Regardless of category some cars are
almost fun and some coma inducing. A Maxima or Kia Optima turbo or a high end
Hyundai for a couple of days can be fun as they have enough horsepower, and
gadgets, to make the driving at least entertaining. You also may be punished
with an Impala or an Altima that lack gadgets and horsepower and essentially
represent cars where the engineers are told
‘This year, make the car 10% more
boring and if you can hit 12%, bonuses all around!’.
Let’s not focus on the actual
brand of car but instead on the feelings you experience as you get off the
plane. You may be picturing yourself in a Mercedes SLS roadster driving down
the highway with the top down , sun shining and the wind blowing through your
hair (hey, it’s my imagination and I am allowed to visualize myself with hair!).
Since I generally rent in the same category I generally get the same cars. A Ford
Fusion (which is nice), the Toyota 
the cool cars I pass getting to mine. I dream that maybe, this time, I will I get a Mustang or Camaro or maybe something from across the ocean like a Volvo or maybe a Mercedes.
As I continue down the aisle
I anxiously peek over the top of the of the other vehicles looking for my car.
Being honest, I also hope I won’t actually see my car because, like birthday
and Christmas presents, once I know what the gift, or the car in this case, is,
the anticipation and surprise is over.My car may be 4 or 5 aisles over and as I
pass fun little Fiats or Kia Souls or some other model that I have never driven
I assume they will be more fun than my rental. As I near slot 761 and still my
car remains unseen between the two ginormous SUVs my anticipation grows. If it
is between two expensive to rent Super-size Me’s it must be nice, right? I see
my name on the board above the car. This baby will definitely be mine and what
do I find, blazing forth in its full glory? A, wait for it, the car I have been
anxiously wondering about since the reservation was made two weeks ago. It is,
it is…
A tan Camry.
Yep, that’s right, tan and
Camry. Two of the most unexciting words in our language and when put together
multiply the dullness by 263 -- Yes, I
have calculated the boringness factor of those words combined and 263 is correct.
Sigh…
Maybe not all is lost? Maybe
the car is top of the line! Yes,that’s it, definitely top of the line. I look
for the telltale signs that spell ‘F-A-N-C-Y’. Aluminum wheels? No. Extra
chrome? No. Body colored bumpers? No. Still not hopeless, maybe the money was
spent on interior features. I open the door looking for tan leather, moon roof,
built-in GPS, and a digital dash. No, no, no and no again. The tan cloth
interior, analog gauges, manual AC/heater controls, and radio with 6 whole
buttons to push face me with almost the same gloom that I feel. Sigh again…I look
back across the garage and there, just 4 stalls over, a Hemi Charger. 
A Cadillac SRX and a bright orange Challenger just two rows over and all, so
close, yet so far. Maybe there is something better in the Gold Choice area?
Maybe I should go back and see what else they have available? But my spirit is
broken, I have opened a black belt and socks as my Christmas gift. With
depression at 110% I give up and load my luggage into the trunk, climb into the
driver’s seat, and drive away. 
Even the Camry seems sad to be a Camry.
I pull out of the lot,
popping Benzadrine to remain conscious and I realize that at least I don’t own this
car and it is only for a couple days.Besides, I am traveling to Dallas on
Thursday. I fondly remember the Camaro SS convertible with only 6 miles on the
odometer that once awaited my arrival. Imagining my Camry is a Ferrari I smile -- almost.
That’s the thing about rental
cars, getting the one you really want is like dessert at a church pot luck,
sometimes it is Sinful Chocolate Decadence and sometimes it is red jello with
beets.
