The Thing about Retirement Cars

Years ago my friend said that when he retires he plans on pulling out in front of every car he sees and then drive slowly as he does errands as payback for those that have done that to him. This from a man who accumulates speeding tickets like people collect souvenir spoons or Precious Moments dolls. I know for the cars I have owned, going on 25 strong now, I have tried to own either sporty cars or cars that were the sporty counterpart of a standard car. I started with a 68 Mustang Fastback onto a Dodge Shelby Charger and even a Taurus SHO thrown in for good measure. Now I drive vintage BMW's. During the holidays family from an earlier generation visited and it made me wonder, what will I drive when I retire?

Go to Florida and you can see the 'standard' retirement car everywhere. First off it must be white or light silver if no white is available. It must have four doors, if at all possible a bench front seat, a boulevard ride, i.e. float like there are three foot swells under the car, and it must be as square as possible. Essentially all cars must look and be similar to an 80's Lincoln Town Car, Ford Crown Victoria or a 70's Cadillac. It must have all the bells and whistles and overall represent a barge on wheels. On a side note, I have always thought if my car had lots of bells and whistles it would end up in a lake, I guess that is something to discuss at another time.

Fewer and fewer of those cars exist. Lincoln Town Car - nope. Crown Victoria - gone. Chevrolet Caprice thankfully killed off years ago. Cadillac, well let's just say that Cadillac is no longer your grandma's car. So what will this current and upcoming retired generation drive? What will I drive?

The other day as I drove along I realized that while I still don't drive slow, I have slowed down. I am a bit more cautious backing up, a wee bit tentative before going through intersections and have probably knocked off one or two miles per hour on a twisty road. I am truly worried!

Will I continue to slow down? Will I become that person that I $#@%@$# all the while I am driving behind him or her. Since I am short will I be the driver less car that I am often following on Sunday mornings to church or on Wednesday's to the local Walmart?

Right now I still want a car with sprightly handling, decent power and fun to drive. Smooth ride and super quiet be damned. I imagine that my parents, and their parents, maybe, kind of, sort of thought the same thing? Yet now that they are old and they are driving the required retirement vehicle. While I want to continue to fight owning a big, huge white whale or leviathan, will I really be able to overcome the natural age progression of having to own a rotten car when I am old? Please tell me there is something scientific that I that says the opposite.

I do have some hope because I see people who have bucked the idea of owning a standard retirement car. However, even for those who have I am not happy with their choices. Believe it or not a popular retirement vehicle is a minivan. Of course you are all thinking so they can carry those cute, chubby grandchildren around, but for many it is actually for going to antique stores, flea markets, and for hauling things from northern Michigan to Sarasota and back again. I don't have to explain why I don't want to drive a minivan, it is self explanatory.

The other popular vehicle is the SUV, or since that is now a bad name a Crossover Utility Vehicle or CUV. For most the Chevy Suburban or the Ford Expedition are not what they want. Way too big. Instead it is the little SUV. A Hyundai Santa Fe, Kia Sorrento, Ford Escape or any of the host of small SUV's, excuse me, CUV's, that are out there. They like them because they are cute, 'drive like a car', and full of utility and sport. The problem is that if you want to do a lot of sport or a large amount of utility they don't work and that is because I consider them futons. You see a futon is a couch and a bed but not good at either. The CUV is both a car and a utility vehicle but not necessarily good at either.

My plan is to drive sporty cars as fast as I can for as long as I can and pray that I will never succumb to the need to own a retirement vehicle. 30 years from now as you are cruising down the boulevard in Tampa and a Mustang or BMW M5 or Porsche smokes its tires to get in front of you and then drives 25 miles per hour below the posted limit it will probably be me.
Don't swear or shake your fists at me or use your tall finger, just smile, give me a thumbs up and yell out 'Lookin' good John, lookin' real good' and drive on.

That's the thing about retirement cars, they are not a requirement unless you give up - so don't give up!

The Thing About Cars and Racing...

As fall turns to winter and the colored leaves turn to brown and drop from their branches it is a rare home that does not have a football game on television (on Saturday, if you live in the south, on Sunday for the rest of the world). Whether you root for the SEC teams or love everything NFL there will be a group at someone's home drinking beer, eating chips, maybe grilling and quarterbacking from their chair. This is completely normal, and even encouraged, in most circles.

In steps me. Football - fun. Baseball - I like it. Basketball - yawn. Hockey - they still play that sport? Auto racing - where and when! My love of cars naturally falls into a love of racing. While this isn't true for all car lovers, for most it is the case. When I tell people that I love to watch auto racing I get one of two responses. Why? It is soooo boring. Or, you mean NASCAR?

Why is it that to watch grown men reach under each others' butts for an oblong shaped ball to be thrown around a field and make millions to do so a normal and acceptable thing? But to watch grown men, and women by the way, drive real cars at speeds that cover the length of a football field in less than a second considered boring?

So why is auto racing boring to many in the world? I believe it is the result of a few things.

First, I believe it is a lack of understanding the sport. I enjoy football but this year I have made it a point to learn more about how football works (and it ain't easy). Now that I understand how plays work, the rules, why one player is actually better than another, I enjoy it much more. The same for watching an auto race. When watching racing people don't understand the skill it takes to stop a car from 150 MPH to 40 MPH in about 300 feet to make a 30 MPH corner. Instead we think step on the gas and then hit the brake and that is about it. It is so much more than that, I think James Garner sums racing up best.

''Going 180 MPH down a straightaway is not that thrilling to me...what is more thrilling is taking a 30 MPH corner at 29.9 MPH...'

When you understand the nuances of racing you notice the different skills levels on the track. For example, one driver will brake at 400 feet from the corner and take the corner tight while another begins slowing down at the 200 foot mark and takes the corner wide. Each one sees the corner and is thinking about how he or she will get through that corner the fastest and more importantly how well will the car be set up to go down the straightaway at full speed. Think of it as a running versus a passing game in football. You may produce the same results but how you get there is very different.

Another view of racing deals with the drivers themselves. A debate continues asking if race car drivers are real athletest? You probably know my take but read the following and make your own decision:

• A NASCAR driver will lose 5-10 lbs during an average race.
• Any enclosed race car will have temperatures well above 100 degrees in the cockpit and 170 to 180 degrees down at their feet.
• A Formula 1 driver will experience up to 5gs of g-force in a typical race and do that for 2 full hours. So what you say? An astronaut experiences 3gs at liftoff.
• A typical race car driver's heartbeat will average around 150 beats per minute for 2-3 hours. About the same as a marathon runner.
• Race car drivers have high 'anticipatory rates' equal to that of a hockey player, which means they know everything that is going on around them at any given moment - again, for 2-3 hours and sometimes more.

You decide if they are athletes. In my book not only are they real athletes, they reach the tier of elite athletes.

Another falsehood is that many people think that every race is the same. There are no really big events in the sport. Au contraire my friends. In other sports, like football, you have the Superbowl. In baseball the World Series. Basketball the NBA finals and hockey the Stanley Cup. For each of these sports there

is only one big event each year. When you follow racing there are so many more 'Superbowls'. We have the 24 Hours of LeMans, the Daytona 500, the Indianapolis 500, the Monaco Grand Prix and the Bathurst 1000 to name just a few. We also have a myriad of mini championships in all of the different leagues. On any given weekend from February through November I have the opportunity to watch a major event.

Finally, many can't relate to what racing a car is like. Did you know that you too can be a race car driver with little money involved and the use of your family sedan? On any given weekend there are autocrosses, race course events, rally cross races and a host of other very fun, often very inexpensive, activities that you can be involved in. For as little as $35 for an entire day you will get to race a car, hang out with a group of people who are down to earth and fun to be with, and hone your skills as a driver, on the road or in a race. What other sport can you do that in?

So, if you see me over the next few months downtrodden and seemingly in complete despair, as they say in the game of dating, it isn't you, it is me. The despondency in my voice, the slouching stature, the utter sadness in my eyes is simply because the sport I love is on hiatus for the winter months. There is nothing to watch on television that has any real value to me, nearly nothing to be excited about. Not until next February will life have meaning again...but...wait...the internet, yes, the internet - there has to be races that I haven't seen ready to be streamed to my desktop!

That's the thing about cars and racing, it needs to be year round...

The Thing about Transforming Cars...

Transforming cars. You expected to see this car, right? The all famous Bumblebee Camaro from the 2007 movie 'Transformers'. Yes, that is a transforming car but I was thinking about cars that transformed our country, the world and how cars have been made and sold for the last 100+ years.

To define and determine what makes a car one that created transformation in the automobile world some rules need to be set. First we need to agree on what defines a car. Next, we will need to know what is considered a major transformation. There are literally hundreds of cars and manufacturers who have made progress or invented something that changed cars as we know them but we will limit this piece to those that the average non-car person can identify or agree with. For this discussion the transformation doesn't apply only to the technology of the car but also to how the car changed society, how it influenced our world and, generally, anything that created water cooler discussions. And since I am writing this, I get to decide if my example follows my rules.

What was the first car has been argued for many years. There were steam powered horseless carriages as early as the 1770's but with limited distance, difficult to use, and expensive to make those don't count. Let's define a car then as one with more than two wheels, has a maintainable engine, and can seat more than one. Using that definition I will submit to you that Daimler and Benz each created the first car. In 1885 the three-wheeled Benz was driven on roads and in 1886 both Benz and Daimler filed for patents on the same day in different cities with the main difference being Mr. Daimler's car having four wheels. What can be more transformational in the auto world than the first car, or cars in this case. 

Once the first internal combustion cars were invented, many, many people copied and created cars of their own (over 100 brands of horseless carriages in 1900 alone). Most of these I will skip over because while they were cars and while they invented new features and made cars easier to use, most were really one off automobiles and due to exorbitant prices were only available to the Rockefeller's and Carnegie's of the world. Those cars didn't change the world.

That leaves us with, the 'of course' car, the Model T. Henry Ford, love him or hate him, revolutionized not only how to make cars but changed the entire U.S. society and economy. His brilliant idea of paying people enough so they could actually afford the cars they made created a full and robust middle class society, as well as just a 'few' wealthy people. Maybe someone else would have come up with the same idea, but Mr. Ford did so first, so he wins. His affordable, reliable, tough and readily available 1908 Model T made the car the ubiquitous family addition that it is today. The Model T confidently fits the transforming car definition.

Honestly, for the next 51 years there really weren't any transformational cars or ideas. Don't get me wrong. We improved how we made cars. Some of the most beautiful cars ever produced were created during those 51 years. But they were all still just cars, 4 wheels, internal engines, doors, windows, etc. Yes we saw the invention of automatic transmissions, air conditioning, power steering and other necessary and fun items but all of those items only enhanced the car, not transform it.

Not until the 1959 Volvo Amazon (122S in the United States) did we see what I deem the next true automobile transformation with the first real focus on safety. It was started with what we call the 3-point seat belt. Volvo, the small Swedish company had been playing with safety since the early 50's, but the seat belt changed how the world saw and interpreted safety for cars. Volvo earns the award for a truly transformational automobile. 

The invention of the seat belt was extremely fortuitous as for the next 10-12 years the horsepower wars were fought. The big 3 U.S. auto-manufacturers battled tooth and nail, or I guess I should say, piston and valve, to put the largest and most powerful engine in the smallest car that could handle it. A wonderful time for fast, straight-line vehicles that could hit 100 MPH faster than Takeru Kobayashi can eat a hot dog all the while gulping gas as if it cost next to nothing - which it did. The cars of the 60's represent a set of cars that transformed how we viewed, and used cars in the U.S. and around the world.  Fast? Yes. Quality? Sometimes. Handling? Almost never.

1986 saw the next revolution. Hyundai, yes, Hyundai proved that in an industry that economists say have 'high barriers to entry', i.e. expensive, that a no nothing, cheap, and actually unreliable car could break into the American market and not only survive but thrive. Hyundai, and its sister Kia, are now recognized forces in the auto industry with a car line that many other car makers envy and with a warranty that consumers love. Applause for Hyundai for showing that a little company can change the car industry.

The final vehicle that transformed the car industry is, wait for it, Saturn. I said Saturn and you thought 'Have you lost your mind?' Saturn as a vehicle really had nothing transformational, in fact, by the time it came to market it was practically behind the times. However, the company that in 1999 touted itself 'a different kind of car company' transformed how we bought cars.

The checkered coat, yellow tie, slicked back hair salesperson was gone and replaced with a consultant who determined what you really needed all without you having to worry about making a deal. The novel idea that there is one listed price was invented and car shopping changed for many. We now have Used Car Supermarkets with 'true pricing' and whole dealerships that discount their car prices before you show up. Sometimes car shopping can actually be fun. Thank you goes to Saturn for transforming the car shopping experience.

What's next? I guess hybrid, electric, hydrogen powered, and even flying cars will constitute the next transformation but we aren't there yet. Think about it, you may be driving the car that will one day change the world, or at least your local dealership. Your decision about the car you drive may transform an entire nation and generation. Ponder that for a bit and walk with your head held high.

That's the thing about cars that transform, you usually don't know that's what they will do until it has already happened. 

The Thing about Driving Classic Cars

Ahhh, Fall! Cool and dry weather. Foliage turning the leaves colors that even the Home Depot paint department can't replicate. Life is slowing down as we prepare for that inevitable coming of winter where being indoors is best for our fragile human bodies. Fall also gives us the opportunity to get our classic cars out and enjoy them for a Saturday evening cruise-in, maybe a car show, or just a Sunday afternoon jaunt on some pretty back roads.

Imagine how I felt when my good friend told me he is thinking he might sell his 1969 Chevelle SS with a 454 cubic inch engine, 450 horsepower with a 4 speed! Take that in, a 1969 Chevelle SS with a 454 cubic inch engine, 450 horsepower with a 4 speed! A car he spent years building that resulted in
a stunner that draws attention wherever she goes. Why is he selling it? He is considering a new Camaro to replace it. This is because he doesn't drive his classic on a regular basis, so maybe it is time to sell...La, la, la, la, la...I can't hear you...I just can't stand to even think about. I have seen the before and after pictures of this car and he simply cannot let it go, no way, no how! This problem must be solved and I have the solution, my friend can be saved!

What is cause of my friend's problem, almost a disease? Yes, it is a common disease of those fortunate enough to own cars that fit the vintage, classic, antique categories. 

"The problem isn't using the car but instead stems from not using that beautiful machine sitting in far corner of the garage." 

It's that sort of out of sight, out of mind issue. If the car's only purpose is for the infrequent weekend jaunt, the occasional Sunday drive, and the extremely rare trip to an final location that is not home. It only makes sense that maybe it is no longer needed. In fact, this disease rationalizes that a sale is kind and caring, it would be even humanitarian to let someone truly appreciate your old car in which many dollars and countless hours have been spent. Anyway, there are more sexy, younger models out there that you can take out on a regular basis. Maybe to a restaurant, to the beach, to all those places where your old car just doesn't feel comfortable. Sadly, it is not the car's fault. She is just as beautiful as ever. It is instead an issue with the owner's mindset.

I have two cars I drive daily, in fact they are all that I have at my disposal. Neither has modern amenities, in fact, I think the Flinstone family vehicle may be more modern. Yet my vintage autos are used for trips to Lowes, Walmart, the drug store, picking up the kids, even running to McDonalds. Why would I ride around in cars that I believe actually create extra road noise and pipe it directly into the cabin and then amplify it by 10? Because there is not a new car in the world that makes me grin every time I drive it. I have decided that my daily driver is something that will make me smile, not necessarily make me comfortable. I have built a relationship and no shiny, wannabe classic is going to break us up.

I believe the reason why we tire of our old rides is because we use them for the very occasional 'cruises'. This means that when you finally do go to use them the battery is dead, it is covered bumper to bumper with dust, and you have to move the kids' bicycles, the lawnmower and a host of other things just to clear the path for backing out of the garage. Essentially, it is just a lot of work. Include with it the cost of insurance for the car to just sit there. Add to that every car's worst enemy is to just sit unused. I experienced this just recently as my travel made one of my cars sit for a month. Once I started it up I had electrical problems that didn't exist when I shut it off last time. It had experienced, what we call in the car trade, "Lot Rot', where things that worked when parked no longer do.

The antidote, the cure, the vaccine against this horrible disease of the mind? Use your old car everyday and enjoy it. Not only does this continue to build your relationship with your car, there are also many, many, many advantages of driving an old car that a new one simply can't provide.

• A guaranteed smile on your face all the while you are driving.
• A guaranteed smile on the faces of those around who enjoy seeing your car.
• An opportunity to meet new people, answer questions and hear great stories about their past experiences with a car 'just like yours'.
• Getting to see your ride glimmering in sun as you walk back to it while doing errands.
• Making you stop regularly on a long trip and see things that you would have normally missed.
• Using back roads just because they are more fun.

And the best thing about driving an old car? It slows you down, or at least it does for me. I will admit, it is a bit more work to get out of the house, to fit in snug places, to walk the extra distance in the parking lot to the store front. However, I find this slowing down reduces stress and makes every outing more enjoyable, relaxing, an event.

If you are out there, right now, crazily contemplating the sale of your lifelong dream let me share the advice I gave my friend. For the next month do the following.

• Use your car for regular everyday activities - running to the store, out to grab a bite to eat, getting to soccer games, running errands - in short, life.
• Park it like you would a regular car (well, within reason of course).
• Don't stress about it, let it get a little dirty, let it look like it is used.
• Think about how much this old car loves to make you smile.
• Remember the experiences you and this classic share.

Then, if you still want to sell your car for that new, sleek, quiet, and car that is identical to everyone else's, maybe it is time to move on. My guess though is that many of you will fall in love all over again.

That's the thing about driving classic cars, they were originally built to be driven every day, why shouldn't you do the same?